The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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