Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize