i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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