just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
