Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
