i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had sex on a roof
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
