Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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