Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
