I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
