Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
