I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
