sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
