I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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