season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
