I just made out with a guy for $7.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
