Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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