I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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