Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize