Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize