no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
