Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
