She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
