in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize