He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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