So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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