i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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