I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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