So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize