On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
