its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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