So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
