I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
