It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
