i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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