As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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