I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
