i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
