I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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