She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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