Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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