I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
