Don't you send me to vm
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
