you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
