He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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