If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
