I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are the jesus of drinking
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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