wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
