Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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