I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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