If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
