her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
