So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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