if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
