Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
