So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize