singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize