just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
