Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
