saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just had sex bonerless
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize