You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
