I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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