Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
