if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
