Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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