During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
