You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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