Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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