Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
