just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
