Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize