Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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