wrigley field is MILF paradise
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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