you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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