He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I puked a lego.
there's paper in my vomit.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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