Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
