I CAN MOONWALK!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
