um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
