The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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