careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
