he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
