Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
