I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
