i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
