Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize