i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
