he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
