i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
