Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
