8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
