my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize