We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
